Trapped Together
by Holosmeg
Summary: A Brief, simple piece exploring relationships. Will become a series. Based on a quote from Chris Barrie. R&R please


"There's no real time," he says. "If a scene was written where they explored the hate for each other as they did in scenes in the first, second and third series, things like Marooned and all that sort of stuff - fantastic dialogue, but that's a different style of show. You look at Marooned now and there was nothing like it in the sixth series, it was just all visual effects. Which I'm not saying is a bad thing, but is the way the show has developed. I'd love to do lots of scenes where it's just talking. I think One Foot in the Grave, when it was just him Richard Wilson (Victor Meldrew), doing it, I think we've got power enough to do that now. We could sit in the cockpit (of Starbug) for half an hour and just have dialogue, and no visual effects at all. I think that would be an interesting episode of Red Dwarf, just sitting in one place - don't even move out of the cockpit or move out of the mid-section, just one place and they just sit there and talk. They don't come across any GELF zones or any planets or any white holes or black holes or whatevers, just a nice long stretch, and it would just be dialogue. But I think Rob and Doug have got the show in a state now where the visual effects are obviously important."  


Reprinted without permission "Red Dwarf Smegazine: No.2 November '93" 

Well, here is my atttempt at a 1/2 hour show of just dialogue, its certainly interesting. The Cat has revoked to his previous self, the one from the earlier series of RD. R&R, or e-mail me over at chris_allan669@hotmail.com

(Opening Credits)

Starbug MidSection

Cat: Doing his Laundry, (with tongue)  
Rimmer: Looking over his Risk Campaign Book,  
Kryten: Turning the pages in Rimmers book,  
Lister: Just sitting on the edge of the kitchen counter thing, thinking.

Rimmer: Look, do you really have to do your laundry here and now? Its totally disgusting, shouldn't you be piloting the ship?

Cat: Look Greasestain, I'm doing my laundry.

Rimmer: I know, and it is totally disgusting. Page please Kryten.

Lister: Will you two pack it in? Its about as exciting as Rimmers Risk Diary.

Rimmer: There's nothing wrong with my Diary, you're finding it exciting aren't you Kryten?

Kryten: Hmm. What sir? (both Lister and Rimmer look threateningly at Kryten) Umm... I really ought to be making lunch sirs, (he bustles over to the Kitchen and Lister jumps down)

Cat: Now, I've been thinking,

Rimmer: Thats a novelty

Cat: Are you saying I'm thick Alphabet Head?

Rimmer: I am you thick moggy.

Cat: Alright then, I'll ask you a question, 

Rimmer: Whats it gonna be? What trousers go best with a cream and yellow shirt?

Cat: Thats easy, nothing, I wouldn't be seen dead in those clothes.

Rimmer: Ask the question then, you..., you,.... cat!

Cat: Alright: What is the answer to the equation of compatibilty between, (Rimmer looks terrified) a blue DJ jacket with white piping and your clothes?

Rimmer: I was right.

Lister: (hand in air) I know, I know,

Cat: Well, monkey? what is it?

Lister: Easy, there is none.

Cat: Correct, you win the luxury of doing my laundry! (Rimmer looks incredibly pleased with the way things turned out)

Lister: What?! No way am I doing your laundry,

Cat: Yes you are.

Lister: No Way am I gonna sit and lick all of your clothes.

Rimmer: Now,now children,

Cat & Lister: Shut up.

Rimmer: Ooooh, touchy.

Lister: Look, Cat, you don't want my saliva all over you're clothes do you?

Cat: Hell no! But you're still doing my laundry!

Kryten: Sirs please, you made me put Tomato Ketchup in the washing machine and Listers clothes will go all bibbly-bobbly.

Rimmer: No change there then, Lister, just go and turn over the page for me.

Lister No.

Rimmer: What!?

Lister: No, n-o. Do it yourself.

Rimmer: I can't I'm dead you gimboid.

Cat: Hey, groinbreath, keep it down, me and my buddy here were having an argument.

Lister: Yeah, Right on. What, no! Ohh smeg! (he turns it over, at the same point the Cat goes back to his laundry)

Rimmer: Thank you Listy. I owe you a debt of gratitude, I will not be cruel to you for the next 10 seconds.

Lister: Thank Go..

Rimmer: Right times up.

Lister: That was never 10 seconds,

Rimmer: It was, this watch, my mother gave it to me in consolation for the scout shoes that Porky threw into the sceptic tank, is never slow.

Cat: But its never been stylish either, look at that strap, that is so uncool, only Lister here would be seen with that watch.

Rimmer: Shut up, tunaman, Aaaaah! I remember so clearly the day she bought me this watch, I was just 12 and I was still crying over the trainers incident. My mum, said "For Gods Sake shut up!" and then in desperation took me out shopping to buy me a watch. Shame she never bought one, she found this one in a bin and gave it to me. Its stood by me forever this watch always on time, never fast never... (Cat is snoring contentedly, Rimmer walks right up to the Cat, leans up to his ear and shouts) WAKEY-WAKEY, RISE AND SHINE!

Cat: What, Who, Where?!?!?(Goes back to laundry)

Kryten: What a touching story, now lunch is served!

Lister: Great man, what is it?

Kryten: Beef a la vindaloo,

Lister Fantastic!

Rimmer beckons Kryten into a corner, 

Rimmer: What is it really Kryten?

Kryten: Space Weevil again sir. But as before, corn-fed with corn of the highest quality.

Lister: (spraying bits of 'beef' all over the place as he talks) What are you guys talking about?

Kryten:(to Cat) Aren't you going to eat lunch sir?

Cat: What are you, nuts? I'd never eat Space Weevil!

Lister stops stuffing his face, and looks horrified. He swallows. Space Weevil!?

Kryten: I think I've got some cleaning to do (makes to leave)

Lister: Kryten. is this 'beef', Space Weevil?

Kryten: Umm.. uh, sir...

Rimmer: Well, this is an interesting point in this conversation isn't it?

Cat: What you on about Goalposthead, you've cracked! This conversatoin is as boring as one of your outfits!

Rimmer: What you on about you demented moggy? I prefer the calm, collected look, to your particular 'style'. However, I have had some outlandish outfits in my time thank-you very much.

Kryten: Begging your pardon sir, but when?

Rimmer: Remember that time we met the low versions of ourselves after you had blown up Red Dwarf? That was an outlandish outfit alright. (smiles fondly, remembering)

Lister: (geting up and placing the 'beef' in the waste disposal) Rimmer, you looked like a hooker.

Rimmer: Yeeesss,, but it WAS outlandish.

Cat: Damn right, you looked like one of those people in all those movies we watch.

Lister: Yeh, a hooker.

Rimmer: How is the main character in the film version of 'Biggles learns to Fly' a hooker?

Lister: You've seen that moustache... man, she was the bearded lady. Kryten, make us something to eat alright? Something that hasn't scuttled, and isn't called 'weevil' in any way or form, understand? Or else one night, you'll find it's just you, me, and one 1 monkey wrench.

Cat: Heyy, that sounds like a dream of mine, replace condom head with a 7 foot valkerie, and the monkey wrench with a giant sqaushy mango, an you'd have my dream.

Rimmer: Your attitude towards women is totally maladjusted, you know that?

Lister: I dunno, I can kind of sympathise with it. Me, Krissy, and a giant squishy mango, I think that could provide the basis for a strong and powerful relationship.

Kryten: Dinner is almost served sirs.

Rimmer: What do you mean, 'almost served'?

Cat: Yeh, what you talking about metal man?

Kryten: (produces a monkey wrench) I've just got to catch it first.

Lister: Krrrytenn!!!!!! (Lister chases Kryten out, Rimmer and Cat look at each other and shrug)

END


End file.
